hurt.

hey blog. long time no talk. sorry fr abandoning you fr quite long. heres me again. coming bck to you bcs im sad. as always. im sad. my soul is sad. but it didnt make me cry. im just sad. why? why cant i revenge to ppl. why am i too needy? why am i too easy? why cant i be ego? why cant i do what others did to me? why? why? whyyy???!!! why do i have to be sad bcs of ppl who never be sad bcs of me? why? i jst dont understand some ppl's mindset. i give everything to them. but why nobody ever appreciate wht have i done to them? why they cant see? every time, money, efforts, all the sacrifices ive done fr them.....why? does human are too dumb and blind to see? or im just not good enough to them.... how can ppl easily moved on? how can ppl easily walk away? how can ppl not affected when somebody is leaving them? how?!?!!!?? how can they having a normal life when someone is changing???!?!!?? how???!?!?!?! why? bcs they always have someone else to replace.. haha. i am replaceable... i can see that... im just an ordinary girl who did nothing but being clingy. too clingy, they said :-). im- i just cant stand lah all these mengarut reasons/points. it doesnt make sense at all! we've been living fr a long time tgther and this doesnt affect you at all bfr. suddenly you said im over-clingy. defak.... ok nvm. huh. im tired dey. iloveyou very much. and i knw you knw that. and you knw i cannot live w/o you. fuck. i fcking missed you. i knw youre happy now. i knw youre enjoying ur time alone now. w nobody by ur side. nobody disturbing you. nobody wants ur attention. ur hug. aite. im sorry. sorry fr semak in ur life. sorry fr taking care of you too much that you feel rimas. sorry fr loving you this deep. im sorry fr being me. one day i hope you realize who you rly shld keep and who you shld let go :) ppl come and go. but i will nvr leave. another toxic trait of me is i can nvr let go ppl. even if you left me w so much scars, i will always come to you when you need me. haha. i am gemini but i ll nvr forget who was with me frm the beginning, eho sacrificed fr me, who always give me ears even if theyre busy, who help me, support me in everything i do. i will always remember everyone. just so you knw, you are very important to me. in my life. thank you fr keep hurting me :)

Comments

Popular posts

:)

i often feel so bad for turning down on people that actually try people that actually care and people that genuinely love me for myself its not that i dont like them its bcs of the trauma that haunted me that caused by other person. i kinda let them go chasing me with a broken heart its just that im so afraid im gonna be another disappointment for that people the people that i love the most the people that i really need in my life im just scared of my own shadow my darkness my nonsense thoughts my attitudes. im not a lovely person not even a decent person for anyone to keep im just gonna be hurting people for being me but somehow this loneliness kill me slowly struck in my heart and broke everything inside it hurts so bad. there are lots of people that im scared would leave me whenever i feel so comfortable talking with them in my daily these people meant the world to me but now i kinda give up trying give up hoping give up wishing they could stay with me b...

untitled post.

well, we all know the best stories comes frm the sadness that we're currently face right. i guess im rly sad rn. thats the only reason why im so rajin to blogging lately :') kalau tweet orang stalk. jaranglah orang baca blog haha. okay, what exactly im gonna share today? idk. it is just smtg that come to my mind all the times. am i not important to anyone? am i never be anyone's favorite? am i really nothing to everyone? i ask this every single day & it makes me feel more sad when they show me the way i think is actually real. its not really about mens. most of the time, i shall say here, about friends. everyone know im really into friendship. even if i get into relationship pun, i will care more abt my friends more than my man. everyone knows that... it hurts though, when we dont get the same energy that we've given. when we dont get the same attention that we give. when we dont get the same love & same appreciation like how we show... i didnt give all my ...

new life.

Hi, helu, 27th April 2024.  0226: im writing a blogpost again. after so long. guess everyone know what it means 🥲.  yeah, first of all, today i had a worst breakdown ever. i teared up real bad ugly infront of her 🥹. im so depressed and sad and fcking anxious today. the shit that happened today was... macamni. yesterday was great, we were watching The Night Agent tgt, cuddling and holding hands and kissing like we used to do lahkan. then we both sleep after rating the series. we sleep peacefully knowing that, thats the last night to sleep tgt (sebab memasing nak balik rumah parents). so... ceritanya, we both wakeup at 6ish-7 in the morning bcs i put the alarm soooo fcking much and annoying asfckkk. so at 7am tu, she wakeup tertengok jam. the date was 26/4. shit. we forgot smtg. she forgot to check the date before confirming that she got meeting on 26/4. i was at fault too bcs i tak doubleconfirm the date with her (usually i do) but tahla kenapa i tak focus on that masatu. meb...