2022.

yow, happy 2022 haha. tetiba rasa nak blogging xD actually tengah buat lab for my Certified Ethical Hacking course yang aku ambik bulan 11 2021 HAHA. ive abandoned it for quite long gak tu pun start nak buat sebab nak take exam soon astu tetiba terdetik nak bukak blog ni and baca what i wrote in this blog. one word; disgusting *muntah face* AAAAAAAAAA, but for some reason i kinda like how i pour out everything here bcs it makes me feel better ((kot?)) haha at that time laaaa. its kind of journal lah here but takdela i put it all in here pun, most of it twitter saw it first ekekeke.
so yeah, hows life? mhm, my life rn is indescribable. aku tak sedih, tak happy, tak broken, tak rasa pape atm. kawan aku kata, aku numb. haha meh cerita sikit,, a few days ago my fren curhat to me ((tak tahu curhat tu apa sila google xD)). she kinda luah perasaan about something and then tetiba jadi session counselling pula between both of us HAHA IT JUST HAPPENED. yela it kinda like we both have our sad stories and need comfort. so she tell me things and i tell her things too, isnt that how fren should communicate? give and take? haha i like it when the conversation is mutual. for me its how to gained someone's trust kan? means macam when one person tell you things, you should tell them too because that way they wont feel like scared to tell you things in future bcs both person pegang rahsia masing masing? tahla maybe mindset aku salah, maybe aku je macamtu kot haha. okay lepastu, cerita dia kat sini, lepas my fren venting to me, i terbukak cerita what saddened me that time, lepastu i said ive healed lah, i dont feel anything dah pun. then she said, "youre not healing, youre numb rn". then only i realised. ye doh. numb. but one thing is, doesnt numb means youve healed a bit? to not feels anything at all? isnt that one of the healing process?
serious question, what is exactly the process of healing and how does healing feels like? we dont even know. sebab kita tak ambik course psychology and counselling HAHAHA. but aku suka main psychology. its just bcs i like to read and understand people. tahla taktau nape minat sangat. k dah jap, patah balik jap,,, ok back to what is the healing process? for me lahkan, firstly, you need to fully be so broken at the point you will not be broke afterwards. dia macam; broken -> heartless -> normal. ke aku salah? haha sebab tuje achievement aku sekarang ni i meant my main goal right now is to feel normal and not feel too deeply when having people around. sekarang ni macam nak hilangkan attachment kat orang je. tapi isit being attached to some people is a bad thing? i dont even know. sebabtu nak jauh sebab tahla for some people, they feel like its too much and too burden. some people lah, but for me, i like it very much when people attach to me and depend on me, bcs thats how i feel they love and care for me. huhu tapi semorang ada pendapat masing masing hehe. klah, aku banyak je nak bebel lagi tapi now dah 3am and lab aku tak siap lagi hahahahaha so buhbye~ till next time! <3 oh btw, now playing - pernah // azmi alkatiri ;) saja nak share hiks, have a nice day everyone! drink a lot of water and stay safe <333