:)

i often feel so bad for turning down on people that actually try
people that actually care
and people that genuinely love me for myself
its not that i dont like them
its bcs of the trauma that haunted me
that caused by other person.

i kinda let them go
chasing me with a broken heart
its just that im so afraid
im gonna be another disappointment for that people
the people that i love the most
the people that i really need in my life
im just scared of my own shadow
my darkness
my nonsense thoughts
my attitudes.

im not a lovely person
not even a decent person for anyone to keep
im just gonna be hurting people for being me
but somehow this loneliness kill me slowly
struck in my heart and broke everything inside
it hurts so bad.

there are lots of people that im scared would leave me
whenever i feel so comfortable talking with them in my daily
these people
meant the world to me
but now i kinda give up trying
give up hoping
give up wishing they could stay with me
bcs one-sided feelings is way worse than that loneliness.

but it does feel good
to have someone that really care for you
and wanting to hear all of your nonsense stories and thoughts
without being judged
without invalidating your feelings
your true self
and your brain.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts

:)

i often feel so bad for turning down on people that actually try people that actually care and people that genuinely love me for myself its not that i dont like them its bcs of the trauma that haunted me that caused by other person. i kinda let them go chasing me with a broken heart its just that im so afraid im gonna be another disappointment for that people the people that i love the most the people that i really need in my life im just scared of my own shadow my darkness my nonsense thoughts my attitudes. im not a lovely person not even a decent person for anyone to keep im just gonna be hurting people for being me but somehow this loneliness kill me slowly struck in my heart and broke everything inside it hurts so bad. there are lots of people that im scared would leave me whenever i feel so comfortable talking with them in my daily these people meant the world to me but now i kinda give up trying give up hoping give up wishing they could stay with me b...
Read more

untitled post.

well, we all know the best stories comes frm the sadness that we're currently face right. i guess im rly sad rn. thats the only reason why im so rajin to blogging lately :') kalau tweet orang stalk. jaranglah orang baca blog haha. okay, what exactly im gonna share today? idk. it is just smtg that come to my mind all the times. am i not important to anyone? am i never be anyone's favorite? am i really nothing to everyone? i ask this every single day & it makes me feel more sad when they show me the way i think is actually real. its not really about mens. most of the time, i shall say here, about friends. everyone know im really into friendship. even if i get into relationship pun, i will care more abt my friends more than my man. everyone knows that... it hurts though, when we dont get the same energy that we've given. when we dont get the same attention that we give. when we dont get the same love & same appreciation like how we show... i didnt give all my ...
Read more

new life.

Hi, helu, 27th April 2024.  0226: im writing a blogpost again. after so long. guess everyone know what it means 🥲.  yeah, first of all, today i had a worst breakdown ever. i teared up real bad ugly infront of her 🥹. im so depressed and sad and fcking anxious today. the shit that happened today was... macamni. yesterday was great, we were watching The Night Agent tgt, cuddling and holding hands and kissing like we used to do lahkan. then we both sleep after rating the series. we sleep peacefully knowing that, thats the last night to sleep tgt (sebab memasing nak balik rumah parents). so... ceritanya, we both wakeup at 6ish-7 in the morning bcs i put the alarm soooo fcking much and annoying asfckkk. so at 7am tu, she wakeup tertengok jam. the date was 26/4. shit. we forgot smtg. she forgot to check the date before confirming that she got meeting on 26/4. i was at fault too bcs i tak doubleconfirm the date with her (usually i do) but tahla kenapa i tak focus on that masatu. meb...
Read more