:)

i often feel so bad for turning down on people that actually try
people that actually care
and people that genuinely love me for myself
its not that i dont like them
its bcs of the trauma that haunted me
that caused by other person.

i kinda let them go
chasing me with a broken heart
its just that im so afraid
im gonna be another disappointment for that people
the people that i love the most
the people that i really need in my life
im just scared of my own shadow
my darkness
my nonsense thoughts
my attitudes.

im not a lovely person
not even a decent person for anyone to keep
im just gonna be hurting people for being me
but somehow this loneliness kill me slowly
struck in my heart and broke everything inside
it hurts so bad.

there are lots of people that im scared would leave me
whenever i feel so comfortable talking with them in my daily
these people
meant the world to me
but now i kinda give up trying
give up hoping
give up wishing they could stay with me
bcs one-sided feelings is way worse than that loneliness.

but it does feel good
to have someone that really care for you
and wanting to hear all of your nonsense stories and thoughts
without being judged
without invalidating your feelings
your true self
and your brain.

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