love.

hey, blog.

i wanna share smtg to you. i got nobody rn so i have to tell you. atleast i feel relieved. i knw ppl around me are tired w my shits. they wouldnt wanna hear my rants, my unsolved problems, my undecisive side of me. yeah well, its always the same stories, the same problems. who arent tired right? :-) or even if youre a human, you are gonna do the same thing.

so the thing is, its 1:02 am when i started to lay my head on my pillow & close my eyes. everything started to appear infront of my closed eyes. the scenarios, the words spoken, the imaginary. i started to think of him. actually i was just thinking abt who will i married to. tbh, i think abt it every. single. day. but suddenly today he came, hes on my mind. he came & makes me think more and more of him. i opened my eyes, & shit, its 1:30 am. now its 1:45 am & im writing on my blog just because my anxiety cannot hold me bck. i cant bear it. i might cry but i cant cry. hati gelap mungkin.

so, this one guy. i named him "#1" & hes younger 2 years than me. ofc a lot of ppl would react, "no wonder, kiddo" "hes not matured". look, i have an instinct. & i know him more than you guys. ive heard his stories of his life, everything. well, not everything. myb 1/4 of his life :-). ok i know, i dont know him that well. i wished to know him well too. but he refused to tell me. i cant force him. we cant force ppl right? it would make him turn off to me.

lately ive been having the same problem, confusing. its not that im confuse to choose who to be with, but its that im confuse whether i should wait fr him or just go on w my life w/o him. i dont want any rs at this moment. bcs srsly, i love him really much. i know its too early to love him that way but.... it just happened . when im with him, i still love my ex, & i told him that. now, i love him more than my ex. i rly do! its an achievement to me to finally moved on with my ex. but its hard bcs i dont have you by my side 

i dont know how, & when will we start dating. i rly wanna know you inside & outside. do you feel the same thing?  or am i the only one who fell? are you not gonna catch me fall? . bogoshippo. imissyou. i miss us. i miss it when youre all excited telling everyone we re dating. but, its just fr awhile. idk myb you feel bored having a dull rs we me..... :/

nvm, this is just a morning thoughts, tmr i woke up & feel numb again. just that, i hope one day we re really meant fr each other . aamiinnn. i dont want anyone else. i just want you. sincerely. this is my 3rd time falling in love. deeply. obsessed. iloveyou, fs. goodnight 蠟☹

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