new.

hey haha tahla taktaula nak rasa apa. this is. so. fucking hurt. as. hell. maybe im just not a good person to be called bestfriend by you or by whoever lah. why im so fcking desperately want to become ur bestfriend anyway? fuck. we spent more time talking abt our feelings, emotions, secrets, like. no one. knows you like me. or maybe... you regret telling me things..... haha em sorry. im not worthy. im... fuck, im so fcking sad plus marah and kecewa as fuck. i dont fcking deserve to be treated like this. god. fuck fuck fuck!!!! i feel useless asfuck rn. i feel like. im nobody. i rly cnt brain. fuck. this is so fcking hurt. WHY THE FUCK PEOPLE CANT SEE THE GOOD IN THE BAD SITUATION IN SOMEONE?! I CAN STILL FUCKING LOVEYOU AND CARE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU BUAT PALAT SEPALAT PALAT MANA PUN, I WILL STILL SEE THE GOOD IN YOU AND HELPED YOU ALL I CAN. bcs sejahat2 manusia, still ada benda kebaikan yang dia buat kat aku yang aku pegang smpai mati. i nvr regret fr telling you things ive nvr tell anyone but im rly hurt and kecewa bcs i trusted you so much. i trusted and attached to you and i told you things ive nvr tell anyone bcs im way too comfortable with you, that makes me fcked up and end up you stabbed me at my back like this. woah. daym. ok im too emotional, thats y. it turned you off. i get it. but. ah fuckla, sumpah takleh brain sial. why?! i mean. apa silapnya aku... apa salah aku... apa kekurangan aku? why im never be enough... this is fcking hurt. ya allah... sakit ya rabb....

Comments

Popular posts

new life.

Hi, helu, 27th April 2024.  0226: im writing a blogpost again. after so long. guess everyone know what it means 🥲.  yeah, first of all, today i had a worst breakdown ever. i teared up real bad ugly infront of her 🥹. im so depressed and sad and fcking anxious today. the shit that happened today was... macamni. yesterday was great, we were watching The Night Agent tgt, cuddling and holding hands and kissing like we used to do lahkan. then we both sleep after rating the series. we sleep peacefully knowing that, thats the last night to sleep tgt (sebab memasing nak balik rumah parents). so... ceritanya, we both wakeup at 6ish-7 in the morning bcs i put the alarm soooo fcking much and annoying asfckkk. so at 7am tu, she wakeup tertengok jam. the date was 26/4. shit. we forgot smtg. she forgot to check the date before confirming that she got meeting on 26/4. i was at fault too bcs i tak doubleconfirm the date with her (usually i do) but tahla kenapa i tak focus on that masatu. meb...

sad.

hey, 0011. 2019, Feb 5. atm, imma story abt the most heartbreaking moment in my life. well, my azam fr this year is no more sedih sedih broken & everything but januari je dah banyak benda sedih berlaku dalam hidup aku. well, i thought january is a trial month of 2019. but yeah, its february & i still am laying on my toto & crying. have you ever feel betrayed by your own friend? eventho it has been "sebati" in my life, being stepped frm the bck by my own friend, but today i felt extra hurt. why? well, the person i thought wont keluar frm the team is actually including you. eventho aku dah dapat agak dari awal, but aku percaya kat kau. aku percaya yang kau takkan keluar walau cemana teruk pun team kita ni. but yeah, sebab aku percaya kat kau, sakit sangat bila kau kata kau nak keluar... aku tahu, hak masing masing untuk belajar, untuk improve, untuk terus maju kehadapan. but... i just cant accept it... its not the "team" who made us look hebat or grea...

2013.

tahun terakhir aku tulis blog; 2013. form4. tingkatan 4. 4 tahun belajar di skolah menengah dato mohd said hanyalah untuk bermain-main. mensia-siakan hidup sendiri dengan cinta munyet manusia. mengejar erti sahabat yang tidak kutemui sepanjang di sekolah itu. kerugian masa, tenaga, wang ringgit, pengharapan ibu bapaku. suatu perjalanan hidup yang sia-sia. yang ku tahu hanya ingin disayangi manusia lain. diberi perhatian, diberi kasih sayang. sebab waktu zaman sekolah menengah, parents aku terlalu busy dengan duniawi, tak hirau pun tentang kami semua, takpernah disisi kami saat kami susah. agak terkilan dan disisihkan daripada keluarga sendiri. tapi semua tu tak kekal lama, alhamdulillah lepas naik upper form, which is ting 4, mereka menjadi semakin prihatin tentang kami 4 beradik. ibuku perlahan-lahan untuk merapati kami. heheh ok cukup pasal family malas nak cakap lebih lebih. sensitive issue ahahahaha. nak citer skang ni pasal hidup aku lps naik f4. 16tahun, mungkin agak matang berb...